Focus

Trying to focus, trying to concentrate. Fighting against myself. Trying to find a solution. I'm tired of this situation. I wanna be free, i want to FEEL free.

But for god's sake, I can't!!!!. Damn it!.

I'm not high, i'm not drunk  but i'm flying, cigarettes aren't enough. I want More.

I wanna stop this shitty loneliness, i'm tired of exams, i'm tired of you, i'm tired of me.

That special best friend i use to have since childhood isn't there anymore.

All I wanted is feel safe, a shoulder for support, a hug to give me strenght, I wanted to feel care, that I care. Was that selfish?. And when i was needing you more my friend. A HUGE Stop sign Stopped ME and said goodbye. What the hell happened? I don't Know. I felt like I lost u when i was needing you more. Afraid of me?? We've never been afraid of each other, it's always been a really good friendship, right??. Then the same old shitty words i had heard before.... The LAST thing i wanted to hear was an "I'm sorry" or "You deserve to know this" arghhhhh. I got upset, i got sad, i cried. There was loneliness facing me again, laughing of me.Then a call trying to feel better, but didn't help at all, was kind of toxic for myself, wasn't bad but there wasn't the same sweet and caring words and sounds, felt like and iceberg and me. Now, What's wrong with me?.

Things doesn't match, doesn't make sense, I don't look like an actress, and NO i'm not in a diet, i'm not exercising. If you wanna loose some weight feel like shit and let your llife become a completely mess, then... everything will change. It's not an option so DON'T take it. This is what i recommend you girl: Just be yourself, don't let your feelings get involved (that's a mistake), smile all the time, try to be happy, and worry only about yourself so you won't be weak.... and of course, don't be lazy and Exercise!!!

Now i can't study, don't feel like. Pisco is getting over, a new box of cigarettes is on its way.

"Inconforme", that's how i feel. I don't want Anything but at the same time, I wanna do so many things. I want it all. There's no mood for it, can't load my batteries. I try to move, but i'm stuck.

I am DONE.

ANHEDONIA

Posted in: momentos fly,Montaña Rusa,Vida