Love of my life

Can you hear me?

Love of my life.... Can you feel me?

As I lay in the darkness of a life anyone would want.

The perfect view,

the perfect house, 

the perfect man, 

The perfect life. They'd say.

But nothing feels perfect about it

because you were supposed to be part of it.

And this imperfect perfection feels incomplete without you.

Love of my life you've broken my heart

and you also helped me discover the best of life.

My happiest moments,

the most tender, the kindest,

the most pure were with you.

And it hurts.

It hurts to open my eyes and see a face that isn't yours.

It's hurts to get a hug that doesn't take me in between your arms.

It hurts to try and find you in someone else's eyes. 

It hurts to be so close and yet, so far.

And it hurts the most to feel this way, all of a sudden... after so long.

After stopping all the feelings, 

Erasing all the memories, 

removing all the tenderness

and avoiding all the emptiness.

After my biggest efforts and fooling myself into believing you were far gone. This happens.

I lay in the dark in my perfect bed, with the perfect view, alone.

Missing you deep within my soul

while my heart screams in silence

tears roll down my face and my chest aches.

I almost died yesterday and I guess, it made all these deeply hid emotions surface because... the one I wanted next to me, was you.

.

Love of my life, can we stop pretending?

Or is it that maybe I just love the memory of us and miss something that no longer exists.... Do I?

Love of my life, have you been fooling yourself too?

Love of my life please, tell me the truth 

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That's one way to kill the mood

Sure, go shower
Sure, go tidy up
Sure, go do the dishes
Sure, go cook our meals.

Go and be so predictable, so boring
Go and be the perfect househusband
The responsible one, the unadventurous one
The one unable to be outrageous, crazy, passionate.
Go be the responsible, the one who worries. The one who takes care of the kids we will never have.
I'll be the bitch, the one who has fun, the insatiable. The one who knows how to live life. The one who keeps true, who will always be true to herself no matter what.
The one who will dream of the one she was once one with. The one she will ALWAYS be one with. The one who is not and will EVER  be you.

So enjoy yourself while I'm somewhere else, darling.
#ThankGodImNotMarried #TooGoodTooBoring

Or maybe, you could be my somewhere else, again. #BeYourOwnWild

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X

"I can't stop thinking about you"

It is coming up to a decade since I heard you telling me this for the first time.

I miss our memories,
I miss US.
What we once were,
What we had.

Do you remember your kiss on my forehead?
Do you remember our adventures?
I remember getting lost in your eyes
Feeling like you could see through my soul
Feeling butterflies in my stomach
Smiling just because
Thinking of you
While
My
Heart
Beats a thousand beats
Per
Minute.

I loved you.
With my soul
With my life
With everything I had
With every breath
With every heartbeat
With every blink
Infinitely.
It was REAL.

And somehow I think
I still do.

At least,
That's what I would like
To believe.

I'd like to believe in you and me
In our future.
In the future we always dreamt of
And we both truncated.

See, I know we were real
Although our ego tries to persuade us
And betrays our emotions
I know we were real.
I know...
I know we loved each other with everything we had.

Beyond the physical chemistry
Beyond the adventures
Beyond anything mundane in the world
We were far beyond everything
What we had was real.
You and I.

I wish we could change things
I wish I could wake up with you by my side
Wake you up with kisses all over the face
Fill your heart with tenderness
Getting lost between the blankets
Laugh and love like never before
Like only you and I did.
Remember?

Remember the monsters in the ceiling?
Our magical kisses?
The kiss on a hot beach at night that meant the absolute world
No words were needed
We were magical
The sunsets
Our endless conversations
Soul to soul

You meant the world to me
I meant the world to you

I loved you SO much.
So much.

I wish we would give each other a chance.
The chance we missed
The chance we let slip through
The chance we deserve.

Because after all this years
Even though...
I have learnt to live without you
I have built a life without you
I am stronger than ever
and I am totally okay without you

Somehow
A part of me
Still misses you

and

Sometimes I wonder
WHAT IF
We got over our own shit
Learnt  from our mistakes
And solved the issues that broke us apart.

WHAT IF
We made it through
Together, stronger, more in love than ever

Sometimes
And just sometimes
I wish
You were here with me and
I was there with you.

However, I am okay,
I have rebuilt my life
Things are great,
my dreams are being achieved,
I can easily build other relationships
And I don't need you.

I still believe
In
US.

Call me crazy
Or naive.

It is just my heart and soul being bloody genuine and dumb.
Stupid.
Very stupid - perhaps.

Because after all.
It has been almost 10 years
Since the first time we met
And now it's my turn to say
'I can't stop thinking about you'

Or maybe
I should just forget about it all
And make space for someone else.

So close and so far
Here and there
You and I
ONE

Chico & Chica
So then...
If you -somehow- feel like I do
If you -sometimes- wonder WHAT IF
Call me, maybe?
And let's talk

Or even better
Let's start
By being friends again
And go from there.

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Te extraño.

Después de casi 5 años, aún te extraño.
Te extraño aunque no quiera, es inevitable
No me gusta extrañarte, pero te extraño.

No sé si realmente te extraño a tí
a la persona que ahora eres,
ese desconocido al cual desconozco
con el cual no sé de que hablar.

Sin embargo, extraño nuestras memorias,
tus caricias, tus besos, tus abrazos, tu amor.

Extraño...
esa electricidad que nuestro amor producía,
esa felicidad que nos hacía reír de la nada como locos
esa pasión que estremecía cada célula de mi ser
esa diversión que nos hacía hacer cosas ridículas sin importar nada
ese 'je ne sais quoi' que había entre nosotros.

Te extraño con el alma, hoy más que nunca, en momentos como este
cuando nos tomábamos fotos en el árbol de navidad por miraflores.

Extraño nuestras caminatas en la nieve a -20 grados,
extraño nuestras margaritas jumbo en el abuelito,
Extraño nuestras caminatas en 'Caminitos' a 30+ grados
y verte escribiendo de madrugada en 'El cafecito'
o los 'monstruos' en el techo de nuestra cabaña.
Extraño nuestra cena en Máncora y decirnos todo sólo con la mirada
Extraño nuestro atardecer viendo los caballitos de totora
o haciendo planes de vida en una servilleta en trujillo.

Extraño nuestras conversaciones interminables,
extraño el día en que escribimos en nuestro diario
'The first day in the rest of our lives'
Extraño nuestros días en Barranco
extraño correr hasta el auto para evitar la lluvia torrencial en cairns
o nuestro encuentro con el Cassowary o tomar ginger beer por la piscina viendo el mar.
Extraño nuestras ensaladas de frutas, llenarte de besitos todas las mañanas
o prepararte comidas que adorabas y tus expresiones que me hacían recontra feliz.

Extraño sentirme tan enamorada como aquella vez,
no sólo eras tú, éramos los dos, tú y yo. El Ying y el Yang.
Esa dualidad maestra que provocaba una magia inexplicable entre nosotros.
Extraño nuestra transparencia, nuestras verdades, nuestros intentos de hacer que funcione.
Extraño despertar a tu lado y verte en las mañanas
Extraño verte leerle el periódico a mi mamá.
Los extraño a los dos, con el alma.

Sin embargo,
no extraño las veces que lloré, ni aquellas madrugadas de conversa,
no extraño los errores cometidos, ni el dolor que sentía cada vez que tus interminables secretos salían a flote. No extraño haberme sentido traicionada o que la confianza se había perdido. Ese dolor indescriptible, puede seguir bien lejos. Lo lloré, los sentí, me mató, me hizo más fuerte y fue la motivación para irme.

Qué nos pasó, chico?

Sí, yo también cometí errores.
El dolor y el resentimiento crearon un monstruo que no pude controlar.
Pero a pesar de que intenté tantas cosas, nunca fue suficiente.
Creí a ciegas, moví mis fichas de ajedrez, pero perdí, me perdí.
Lo dejé T O D O. TODO. Para intentar que las cosas funcionen entre nosotros.
Pero ni dándolo todo fue suficiente para tí.

Escribo esto con nostalgia y con pena (no con resentimiento si eso es lo que crees)
Nostalgia porque sé que si siguieramos juntos, seríamos la pareja perfecta. Viviríamos felices cumpliendo nuestros proyectos y lo que tanto planeamos, siendo ese equipo increíble que alguna vez fuimos.

Pena, porque la veces que nos hemos contactado, es como si no hubiera rastro de nosotros. Somos personas distintas, dos desconocidos. Tal vez entre nuestro amor inmenso y el dolor de perdernos decidimos crear paredes para protegernos. La indiferencia ganó, nos ganó.

Éstos últimos años he aprendido mucho,
he puesto todo de mi parte para continuar con mi vida.

Me gusta la vida que tengo,
aunque muchas cosas han cambiado, sigo con mis planes.

Tengo un compañero que me apoyó cuando mi corazón estuvo fraccionado en pedazos.
Él fué tan noble que respetó mi duelo y mi tristeza. Es un hombre bueno y lo respeto.

Con los años he aprendido que existe otro tipo de amor, no ese amor apasionado, loco, enamoradizo e inexplicable que existía entre nosotros chico. Sino un amor diferente, un amor más lógico que ha crecido poco a poco y está lleno de respeto, consideración y cariño.

Tal vez en otra dimensión las cosas son distintas, tal vez tú y yo logramos superar todos los obstáculos, somos felices y tenemos una familia hermosa.
Tal vez en alguna dimensión el 'Tú yo Yo' aún existe.

Ojala algún día tengamos una conversación sincera,
y logremos conocernos de nuevo.
o tal vez no.

Deseo que seas feliz, que encuentres a alguien que te ame tanto o más como nosotros alguna vez nos amamos. Deseo que esa magia vuelva a brillar en tu vida y en la mía.

Feliz Navidad.

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Updates

hola again!! Se q hace mucho q no posteo nada y sorry por eso, ha sido un año muy complejo, de retos y crecimiento personal.
If any of my old followers ia still reading this post. I gotta say Thanks a lot for keeping an eye on my blog :).
You guys are AWESOME :)

Como podrán concluir después de mi post anterior esa historia de amor que me hizo ir por montañas rusas alucinantes y me lleno la vida de issues (tb momentoa bellos). Se terminó, Sí.... Se terminoóy después de este tiempo sólo me queda decir q estoy más feliz q nunca TRANQUILA, sin aguantar boludeces inmaduras de aquel ser inestable. puedo decir que.... ME LIBERÉ :).
Me mudé a un pais totalmente diferente y lejos, lejos d mi hogar natal. I guess that losing one of the most important persons in my life, achieving my biggest success and realizing that who I thought it was "The One" turned out being the biggest dissappointment and hurt in my life, all at the same time created in me that huge need to leave and start over,  on my own and away from everything I knew.
Over a year later I am glad to say that even when things haven't been easy, and sometimes I felt like it was "too much", I am happy to be where I am. 

I don't regret anything that happened and all I've is just gratitude for the life I have. I am in the process of living my dream...
What about you guys?? are you living your dreams?
Do you realize that ANYTHING is possible in this life?. ANYTHING YOU WANT FROM YOUR <3.
So now I will leave you with one thing to do. Think on what you really want.
not what your parents, your family wants for you but, What YOU want for yourself. Make your list and then.... what are you doing towards this list?
Dreams CAN be true my dears, it just depends on how hard are you willing to work for them.
Love You all n hope you're having an awesome week.

See you on my next post
;)

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And I want to Thank You... ♪

(Hi everyone I.known it's been a long while but I.just found this post on my drafts from july last year so I decided I'll post it anyway :))
-----
For Giving me the Best lessons of my life.
So this Cinderella Story begun about 4 yrs ago....
and It got to its end.... a Very HAppy ending, but not exactly the one people expects ;).
What can I say? or, better yet... what can I NOT say?

It was like those kind of weird movies u watched.... lovely start, u almost fell inlove of the personajes.
Amazing story, heart and flowers al around. Then turns into a tricky thing.... bling, bling, bling!. Oh no, actually that´s so freaky!. And byt the end of the movie. Everything was a fucking mess. then u start wondering....
"WHAT??.... like... Wtf??....did I REALLY wasted my tame watching this stuff? ... I mean... duh!
Well my darling, I am Sorry to tell you but yes. You wasted your fucking timewith that guy.
But hey, u have to be fair too!.

the first step to move on is understanding what stopped you,
step number two, work on that
step number three, Take care of yourself.

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Leave....

LEAVE HIM WANTING MORE.... 
Wishing he can have more... 
Begging you to get More....

Just leave,  
Leave him  with the Uncertainty of wether u're into it, or not...
If he got you, or not...
But... just before you leave, kiss him goodbye

And... eventually, You'll get him 
He'll be yours...

Cheers my darlings...
Cheers for US, Women.

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Pursuing a Dream. A bless or a threat?

She was driving her bike, focused in her dreams and goals....
She kept driving while her life was passing by, day by day...
But she didn't want that normal ordinary life. She always wanted more, and she was ready to do anything to make her dreams come true.
People used to say she was crazy, but she kept sure with the decisions she took.
People said it was too risky. But every risk worths when something better comes.
People said she shouldn't go and keep safe around the people she knew and loved her so much. But she kept stubborn and choose the unknown, the adventures and a time flirting with loneliness while her new life would take form. She was Strong. She felt unvencible.
She had so much dreams, So much goals. Such a brave girl having faith in herself and in love.
She was so..... Stupid sometimes.
So while having all these thoughts Something knock her bike and she crashed.

She crashed, she was hurted, more than any other times. But.... She stood up and kept riding. Always stubborn, always with that bit of faith feeding her steps.

But, at some point. She doubted. It all became confusing and a bit scary.
Suddenly pursuing her dream became more like a threat risking her currently happiness.
And the more she tried to make it up convincing herself it was just a silly fear, the more convinced she was, that path it was probably a wrong one.

She is aiming for a new life, a fresh start, a reborn. But, for X reasons, bunny makes things so harder, so sad. That she wonders if she really wants to leave it all... Is it worth to be what she always dreamed in her whole life at the cost of a miserable unloving existence?. Even if it's for a while, that chick does not deserve it. She deserves to be cared, loved, with a lot of support around -which is exactly what she has-. She deserves a promise of good happy times. No more bitterness...

Ain't your dreams led you to happiness? How come it doesn't feel like that for her anymore?
She's dissappointed, she is loosing faith... She wishes some kind of sign could tell her "Don't worry chick, you WILL be fine. Things will be ok and U'll be happy". But there are no signs...

I wish she could have both normally, the strenght to make her dreams come true plus the support and love in her life, just like any other person. But... she is not like any other person.
This chick, For God's sake She IS special and she deserves a whole world of happiness.

I wish this chick could figure things out,
I wish this chick finds what she is looking for,
I seriously wish this chick makes THE BEST of her life.

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